I need Serenity
by Naudiz the Grey
Summary: A songfic to Godsmack's Serenity about Rishid and Malik's past and their relationship. Rated for very slight swearing, violence, and the occasional psychotic breakdown on Malik's part. Updated at last with the ending in sight!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Rishid, Malik, or the psychotically traumatic story line in which they are entangled.

If I did, Rishid would have his own solo gig...

**AN: **This has been in my mind for eons and is only now seeing the light of day. It's not quit finished yet because I seem to have a severe case of writers block but I hope to have it done by the end of the month. The first half is from Rishid's point of view and the second half is from Malik's. Any kind of feedback is welcome, even the negative, so please leave comments if any come to mind.

Sorry if Malik seems a bit out of character, I'm not particularly fond of him, so I had a hard time getting in his head.Besides, it's scary there.

**Serenity**

_'As I sit here and slowly close my eyes_

_I take another deep breath and feel the wind pass through my body.'_

Rishid sighed as he stared out the window of yet another strange hotel room. His thoughts turned inward as he caught small glimpses into people's lives as they walked along the street below him. His master's quest for world domination was pure madness, he knew it all too well, but what was he to do? He had sworn on his adoptive mother's death bed that he would protect her son and he put this promise before his very life on numerous occasions.

"What are you thinking about?"

Rishid started at the sound of his master's voice hailing from the doorway as it's owner gazed at him confusedly.

"It is nothing, Master Malik. I was only reflecting on the past."

Malik shrugged but said nothing as he stalked over to his bed and flopped down on it. He grabbed the TV remote on the bedside table and turned on the small television, searching for something to entertain him.

Disinterested by the television Rishid returned his attention to the window. He caught sight of a young child outside of a department store, throwing a horrific tantrum. His parents argued with him in a failing attempt to get him under control. As the child lashed out Rishid was brutally reminded of his master's darker side. The memory of of his master's eyes filled with cruel, murderous intent, flared up from the depths of his memory and he shuddered.

Malik was a most unfortunate soul, his dark destiny was lay out for him even before birth. The harshness of this fact had been too much for the child. It left his mind and soul in shards, creating the dark, alternate personality that still haunted Rishid's nightmares.

_'I'm the one in your soul, reflecting inner light_

_and every day I hold you, cradling your inner child.'_

While it may have been Malik's destiny to be broken, it was Rishid's destiny to strive to make him whole. Why this was, Rishid couldn't even guess. He was the only one that could keep his brother's demons from taking hold of him. He lived to this end, for fate had been a cruel mistress, but in his mind the means were more than justified.

But even as he thought this, a nagging question called from the back of his mind. Did he really feel that way? Was every terrible, unspeakable act he performed in the name of his master truly just? As he watched life passing peacefully by below him he was unsure. He was in the thick of something he knew could never come to anything good. Did this make him evil? The presence of endless doubt seemed to consume him, and he wanted to scream with the agony of it's crushing weight.

_'I need serenity, in a place where I can't hide_

_I need serenity, nothing changes days go by.'_

"What's the matter?"

Once again his master's voice unearthed him from the depths of thought. He took hold of this opportunity as if it where his only life line. Desperate for any excuse he could find to turn his thoughts anywhere but inward.

"You look like you've been sucking on a lemon." He gazed at Rishid with a look of mingled concern and annoyance.

"I am sorry, Master Malik. I was, once again, lost in thought." Rishid bowed his head respectfully, causing his master to frown confusedly at the top of his shaven head.

"You seem to get lost a lot." Malik stated plainly as if commenting on the weather. "I have an idea." He added playfully, "Why don't you really 'get lost' and go get us something to eat?" He patted his stomach for emphasis. "Besides, fresh air might do you some good. You've been locked up in this shitty little hotel room all day, staring out the window like some old man."

Gracefully, Rishid rose to his feet, smiling slightly. He bowed to his master momentarily, causing the teen to roll his eyes in exasperation, before stalking out of the room. He was glad for the chance to stretch his legs and get some air. As he walked he reflected on what he assumed was his master's unwitting wisdom. Whether he had meant it that way or not, Malik had hit the nail squarely on the head, he had been right, Rishid was lost.

_'Where do we go when we just don't know?_

_How do we relight the flame when it's cold?_

_Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing?_

_When will we learn to control?'_

Malik watched as Rishid walked from the room, pausing to listen as he heard footsteps fading down the hallway. 'It's amazing how foolish he can be sometimes,' he thought to himself. Rishid always dwelt on what was past It was pointless, foolish even.

"The sooner that we're free of that buffoon the better!" his other self spat bitterly in the back of his mind.

"I'll hear none of that!" Malik shot back at him angrily. "Rishid is my most useful servant. His undying loyalty to me makes him an invaluable tool. He is worth ten of my lesser slaves, and I'll not listen to a word against him."

There was a very distinct pause between his dark self's reply and when it came it was clearly forced. "Yes... of course, it's exactly as you say, he is most incomparable."

'_Tragic visions slowly stole my life._

_Tore away everything, cheating me out of my time.'_

"I wonder what he was thinking about anyway." Malik pondered thoughtfully. His dark half growled in annoyance,

"Who knows, It can't have been anything good. A servant that spends his time thinking is a dangerous person to keep close."

Malik chuckled at this but otherwise didn't reply.

Exactly what was it about travel that made one so recollective anyway? Even he was being pulled into the bitter world of memory, a pastime he found quite detestable.

In spite of this pronouncement however, a particularly interesting memory forced it's way to the top of his mind. It was both Malik's most terrible and very favorite memory; consisting of the day he was first able to step out of the dark tombs of his destiny into the light that had been so long denied him. It was this day that his father was sent to the cold embrace of the afterlife, Rishid nearly joining him. It was then that Malik's destiny had been placed into his own hands.

When he thought about it, he could still feel Rishid's arms around him, pulling him back from their father's bloody corpse, could still taste the tears that had flooded forth.

_'I'm the one who loves you_

_No matter wrong or right_

_And every day I hold you_

_I hold you with my inner child'_

He remembered his terror when the man - Shadi was it, appeared and told him of his fated clash with the Pharaoh. It was to this 'great' Pharaoh to whom Malik attributed all of his pain, all of his family's pain. It was because of the Pharaoh that he had been doomed to his dark life, because of him that he had been forced to suffer the agony of the Tomb Keeper's Initiation. The scars carved into his back served as a constant reminder.

Simply by existing the Pharaoh had robbed Malik of everything, even his sanity. He could feel the rage of this injustice erupt inside of him, and spiral out of control. Rather than try to harness his wrath though, Malik embraced it. He could feel blood begin to flow from beneath his fingernails as he clenched his fists, and he reveled in the scarlet shimmer of it. He lost himself to the fury of his frenzy paying no heed to his dark self's stern admonitions for him to regain his control.

At last, with an insistent scream of "For Ra's sake calm yourself!" reason began to slip back into the fire red edges of his mind. Breathing hard Malik rose shakily to his feet and stumbled to the small bathroom at the other end of the room, and washed his hands clean. If his dark self was talking to him Malik was unaware of it until he finished and settled himself back on his bed.

_'I need serenity, in a place where I can't hide_

_I need serenity, nothing changes days go by.'_

"I thought you said it was pointless to dwell on what is past." His dark side growled darkly.

"Shut up!" Malik spat "You don't know anything!"

As if overtaken by a change of heart his other self's voice echoed in his mind with a soothing purr. "There's no need to be upset." He whispered softly "We'll have our revenge soon enough."

Malik inhaled and exhaled slowly, pulling his temper under his control. After a while he spoke softly, as if tired. "I suppose you're right." He admitted reluctantly. With a hint of crazed fanaticism he added, "The Pharaoh's life will soon be in our hands, then we can take what rightfully belongs to us."

In a rare lapse of jubilation Malik jumped to his feet, a rumbling growl from his stomach reminding him that Rishid was running late. He crossed to the window in hopes of seeing his dinner coming. When he got to the window Rishid was nowhere in sight. He waited at the window in anticipation, the rumblings in his stomach growing more and more persistent.

After several minutes wait he saw Rishid round a corner carrying two large brown paper bags in his arms. He watched with mild amusement as the passersby gave his adopted brother a wide birth, most likely because of his unnerving appearance.

As he approached the hotel Rishid stopped mid stride and looked up, staring right at Malik, as if he had felt his master watching him. As their eyes met Malik caught site of the hieroglyphs carved in to his servant's face. As he studied them something unnerved him. He felt strangely ashamed and averted his gaze, when he looked back Rishid had disappeared from the street.

_'Where do we go when we just don't know?_

_How do we relight the flame when it's cold?_

_Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing?_

_When will we learn to control?'_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Aw do I have to? Isn't it obvious by now that I do not in fact own Yu-Gi-Oh? I'm not even making money off this stupid thing. It's purely for my own amusement and perhaps the entertainment of a few others.

**AN:** And what's this? An update? And it's only over a year overdue!... sigh... T.T

* * *

**Part II**

Two months later and Malik's plans were finally coming to fruition. Seto Kaiba had set the perfect stage for his revenge in the form of the Battle City Tournament. He had been provided not only the place but also the means for his destiny to unfold. Years of living in darkness came to an end today. Malik couldn't help but smile on this day, the day that all would be made right.

Rishid stood tall beside him ready to test his skills as he fulfilled his masters wishes, as well as his own. If all went right Rishid too would be granted his greatest desire. The tension of destiny unraveling was thick in everybodies heart. On this day there was no more room for introspection or hesitation. Now was the was to act, he knew it, and he could not help but to feel almost sad as destiny twisted her last cruel knife.

Rishid chukled at the resistance of the ametuer before him. Jonouchi Katsuya had proven to be every bit as stupid as he looked. That he had managed to wound him at all was simply a stroke of dumb luck and even that had not been enough to save him. Selket was reaking havoc on the defensless fool. However even now he was defiant, this was perhaps the youth's only saving grace, he stood at the end of everything and still managed to hold his ground.

It was strangely fascinating, to watch this child's unshakable will. In a way it reminded him of his master. His fierce determination to succeed was impressive, nearly awe inspiring. Most anyone else would have buckled to the inevitable but this boy stood proud and defiant.

"You insist on continuing... even though you stand no chance?"

A strange, confident smirk twisted on the boys lips. "I'll fight.. even if it's useless. All the way to the end."

Ha, inspiring indeed. This boy had more spirit than he thought. Intriguing.

_'Where do we go when we just don't know?'_

His cover was blown! Somehow the fool Jonouchi had proved more astute than he had previous thought. "You're not Malik!" He had proclaimed, so certain, and damnably accurate...

Never once in his life had Rishid disobeyed a direct order from his master. If ever he had been tempted to do so it was now. He had secured victory and it was all being put on the line for the sake of his master's identity. He had never questioned his planning, he had never had a reason too.. but couldn't plans be revised? Was this deception worth the potential loss? His very life was in his master's hands.

There was a momentary flicker of distrust in the back of Rishid's mind, a feeling he had never had before. But then there a glimmer in the amethyst pools of his master's eyes. Trust? He trusted him, he believed. Rishid could not help but obey. His life was in his master's hands yes, but so too where the keys to everything he'd ever wanted. Acceptance, faith, maybe even love.

"Rishid, Finish off Jonouchi with the false God. If you can control Ra it will prove that you are a true member of our clan."

And there it was. How easily his master manipulated him. The very words he wanted to hear most. Putting all his trust in his master and leaping for his hopes and dreams Rishid went against his better judgement, summoning Ra to the field. For a wild, fleeting moment it had seemed as though it had worked. Ra was at his back, his dark brooding form glaring down at the field. All he needed was to attack the child trembling before him and all his dreams, all his masters' dreams, would be within reach.

But something was wrong, terribly wrong. The false god did not attack. Dark lighting and a soul rending aura of terror ravaged the massive blimp. Was this God's judgement? Was he unfit to command him? Indescribable pain coursed through him as the lightning struck. He could feel the wrath of God and the despair of his failure. His knees buckled and he fell Earthwards, a choking darkness enshrouded him and he was consumed by it.

Thoughts, vague and ethereal, floated past him. He could see his master's father glaring disapprovingly. "So" he whispered cooly, to cruel for words. "You failed to command God. You were never a part of our clan."

From the depths of of the abyss a new voice called to him. A distant wisper, urging him to rise, to stand and fight. He could not let the darkness in his masters heart claw it's way out. At all costs he had to rise. He struggled to lift himself, his body like lead. He opened his eyes but all was a blur

" Master...Malik... Please, don't... awaken... him."

'_How do we relight the flame when it's cold?'_

It seemed only a moment, a blink in time, but for an instant there was nothing but the blackness of his failure. Then the voice of his opponent rang out, too loud and almost grating in comparison to the dark silence.

"Jonouchi...? It was... an honor to fight... against you..." It was agony to speak and even worse to breath. How he longed for the quite comfort of unconsciousness but he was forced to fight against it. He had business to settle first.

"So you're not Malik are you!?"

Leave it to Jonouchi Katsuya to be so full of energy after being struck down by God... "Who are you? Tell me!"

Rishid smirked internally, he wasn't sure if it managed to reach his face or not and he didn't much care. " I am... a shadow."

He turned his head towards the red and black mass that could only have been Yugi, grimacing in pain as his mind tried to return to numbness. "Please... Yugi... My master... you must stop his other..."

All strentgh fled form him and Rishid was once again lost in the darkness. Only one thought prevailed, he had failed. He had fought to supress the darkness in Malik for over a decade and now everything was lost. The very purpose of his exsistance had slid out from under him. His world faded to black and he was left with nothing but the knowledge of his failure, and soon even that faded to nothing. He was left naked in the cold embrace of oblivion.

_'Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing?_

_And when will we learn to control?'_

* * *

So that's it for now I guess. I'd like to say Thank You so much to Nyami Rose! She are the awesome and is my sole reviewer as of now. I'm just very very sorry that I did not update sooner for you!

Also I've decided to make this a three parter so the ending is coming! Hopefully sooner than this update neh? .;


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